I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Two words: nipple clamps
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