Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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