remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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