I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
