mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
