So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
