Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
