i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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