Can i not drive my cunt home
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
