Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
