Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
