we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Randomize
