Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
