You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
