I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
