He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
