the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
