i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
