shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
