end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
