Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
