I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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