I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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