the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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