His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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