So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
