she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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