So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
