then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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