There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
