My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
