My nipple is on Facebook.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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