Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
