Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
