in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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