Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
