Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
