Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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