We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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