i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
