I just threw up on my dentist
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
