she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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