So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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