First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
ttyl tear gas
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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