toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
