My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
