Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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