she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
