none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
