Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
