I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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