Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
